P-P-P is the Permissive Parenting Problem that is a major epidemic in our society.
Not sure what Permissive Parenting (PP) means?
Here is the definition of Permissive Parenting:
Permissive parenting is a type of parenting style characterized by low demands with high responsiveness. Permissive parents tend to be very loving, yet provide few guidelines and rules. These parents do not expect mature behavior from their children and often seem more like a friend than a parental figure.
If I could sum up PP in one phrase, it would be: a lack of discipline.
I'm continually amazed at how many parents refuse to instruct or guide their children towards obedience. I'll be the first to say that kids are unpredictable, and even the best parents will have moments of pulling their hair out, especially with multiple young children. My wife and I have three boys all under the age of 5 and I admit that parenting young children is a real test of patience and endurance. Also, I will give a large disclaimer that we are not perfect parents, and while we still have much to learn, we know for sure that we will never be permissive parents.
Permissive parents are invading our society and it's a major problem. This parenting style is a major problem because kids are sinful, impulsive and lack judgment, and when you tolerate and accept their misbehavior as something all children do, you miss important opportunities to teach your children valuable lessons of responsibility, accountability, and respectfulness towards others.
Signs you are a permissive parent:
Your children have no bedtime routine - they go to bed whenever they want because you refuse to enforce a schedule.
You refuse to make your child be quiet or sit still in public settings, like restaurants, where others are affected by their poor behavior.
You've never spanked your children. Most parents act tough about discipline, but ask them what they use to spank and listen to the crickets chirp - it's deafening silence. This is particularly surprising to me as many of these parents are Christians, and this type of non-abusive yet physical discipline in love is clearly scriptural, but still not followed by many Christian parents. There is even a new hugging-movement where Christian parents will hug their child in the midst of an outburst, while the child screams and even hits them, apparently this eventually calms the child to feel the hug.
Your child is completely out of control in front of everybody but you refuse to address it. You either accept the behavior outright, or you believe it's wrong but refuse to address it because you know the child will throw a tantrum thereby putting you in a position to respond publicly, which you cannot do because you are a PPer. The child calls your bluff every time and does whatever they want, knowing you will avoid conflict.
No rules, only love. You want to be liked by the child so bad you will do everything in your power to please your children. You rationalize this parenting style by believing you are flexible and loving, and nurturing your child to maturity. In reality, a monster is being created.
You bribe and entice for good behavior. Since you do not believe in punishment or disincentives, you motivate your child via giving them more good things, hoping that they behave better or complete the tasks you have given to them.
Your marriage is struggling. I can tell you that in almost every single instance where the kids lack discipline, you will also find a marriage that lacks discipline. For instance, marriage is about friendship, and friendship is about quality time, and if your kids choose the routine, like when they go to bed, and if your kids are rarely obedient, your peace-of-mind and quality time with your spouse gets zapped fast. If your kids go to bed at the same time the parents do, what real quality time is there for your spouse?
Your life and house lack order. Stress rules your life and the house is a complete mess and disorganized. Why would it be clean, the kids leave toys wherever they want and are not required to clean up or maintain order. I believe our God is a God of order and peace, so how can we lead a productive organized life and be an example to others if our own living conditions are a pigsty?
My wife and I are at a stage in life where most of our friends are close in age and also have very young children. We have seen so much of the PPing nonsense, we've actually had to take steps back in certain relationships because many children are completely out of control, and the parents refuse to address the behavior.
It's possible to love your kids, while still enforcing rules and remaining the authority in their lives for the time being. Honestly consider this question, are you a permissive parent?